I watched a video that I came across last week about a wife and mom who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. There is no cure. Here is an interview from her husband.
http://www.faithit.com/painfully-beautiful-story-of-cancer-new-life-baptism/
(After a seeing a picture taken after spreading his wife's ashes.)
"A painfully beautiful image letting us know that Lori is in Heaven that she is ok, that God is real and Heaven is real and she really is there. What's next is.. I don't know. Sometimes you don't know where you're going in life and you have to take a look back to help yourself trying to figure that out and all I know is I'm not quite sure where I'm going, but I know I'm on the correct path because God chose this path for me. He didn't cure her, He saved her and because of that, I know that I will see her again and I'm just very thankful to God for that and I love him today, more than I ever did before."
Wow. "..but I know I'm on the right path because God chose this path for me." God is sovereign. He knows all - trust that.
Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
We don't always know why we are where we are or why we are suffering through tough times. Our job is to trust in Him and know we are where he wants us to be. I read a blog that was written by a pastor of a friend of mine who was getting ready to go into open heart surgery. I read the following blurb while I was awaiting results..
"I can be an impatient man. I can get lost in my work, my ambition, and my agenda. But there are the days where my Maker has a blood-borne bacteria and a damaged heart valve to sweep away the clutter and silence the noise, even if only for a while, so that I might put pen to paper to express my ultimate prayers and intimate hopes fo rmy families lives.
So for this congenital malformed heart valve I bless the name of the Lord, come what may.(Job1:21)"
You see, he went on to write about letters that he wrote to each of his family members. Letters that included his hopes and dreams for their futures. He gave the letters to a friend in case something happened to him his friend would be able to give his family the letters - the words he never got the chance to say to them. What really strikes a chord with me is the last sentence... "So for this congenital malformed heart valve, I bless the name of the Lord, come what may."
What Job 1:21 actually says is "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Blessed be the name of the Lord, the one who has given us life. The one who has provides for us. And blessed by the name of the Lord that can take everything away in a matter of milliseconds. I choose to love my God and I choose to serve him and be open to his will for my life. I will praise him for my situation. I will praise him for giving me the opportunity, at such a young age, to be able to stop and breathe and to realize just how fragile life is. Be able to take a step back and figure out what is important in life.
I recently talked with my new friend Krystyna, someone who is in the same boat I am - dealing with a diagnosis that has stopped her life right in her prime. We talked about how lucky (yes, that word was actually used) we are for being able to have this "reality check" at such a young age. Being able to sit down in a doctor's office and being told there is a chance you won't survive... Well, that kind of puts it into perspective. Don't get me wrong, our prognosis is much, much better than others', but there is always that percentage that tends to scare the crap out of you..if you let it. We chose to not let it.
The funny thing is, none of us are guaranteed next week, tomorrow or the next second. We talk about this all of the time and it seems like it never really clicks. How many people go off to work and never come home. They go on a trip and never make it to there destination. They go to bed and never wake up. They weren't told they wouldn't make it through the night and they certainly weren't given some sort of grace period to get their act together. It's not about being given a diagnosis and trying to change your life before something bad happens to you. It's about living everyday, every second the way you need to be living. A life that will bring glory to Him. A life that is worth while. Is it even worth living if we aren't doing that? I realize this more and more everyday. I get frustrated at myself because, well, there are days I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like reading my daily devotional because I tired and simply don't want to get off the couch. I don't want to respond to the Holy Spirit's prompting because I don't want to be embarrassed. He is calling us in so many different ways and not many of us are listening. Don't wait until you're given a diagnosis that may leave you with a minimal time left on earth - start now. Live your life and bring Him glory. It's what we are here to do. We are here to love. We are here to care and take of others. And we are here to fulfill God's purpose for us.
Ephesians 5:15-17 "So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do."
I sort of rambled throughout this post - I started it about a week ago with my mind in one place and finished it today with my mind somewhere else. I left it the way it is because it's all true (even though it doesn't flow very well). A friend of mine told me, "Take one breath at a time instead of one day at a time. A day is too long." True, right? I thought when I was diagnosed, if something fatal happens to me I will at least have a year. Seriously?!? This may or may not be what takes me and I certainly can't put a timeline on my life. Heck, it could be tomorrow! All I can do is live for today, for this moment, as if it's my last.
Corinthians 10:31 "So wether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
We are all dying, we are human. Make it meaningful.
I've made the choice to do this. And just because I've made this choice, doesn't mean that it comes easy to me or that I don't need to continuously remind myself several (well, probably many more times than that) times throughout the day to stay on the right path. It's an ongoing thing, but something that can change your path dramatically.