What has been on my mind is learning this new body of mine. It's not really a new body, but it seems to be different than I remember it. I grew up playing sports and competing in everything I could. Literally. Everything. I was the youngest of 4 children and made everything into a competition with them, as well as everyone else around me. If we were walking around Disney, I had to be in front. If we were eating, I needed to be done first. I don't know why I have always been this way, I just always have. (Well, I'm pretty sure my family instigating most of it.. Like the time we were on a family bike ride and my brother decided as we were riding through a parking lot we would speed up and taunt me by saying "I'm beating you, Amber. I'm beating you." So I sped up as fast as I could right in time to hit a speed bump and fly over my handle bars. haha. yea times like those ;) ) Anyways, I've just always been competitive. Then sports came and it got even more intense. I needed to be the best at everything I tried (not tennis, I gave up on tennis after I realized I was trying to beat everyone by hitting it the farthest and as we all know that's not the way you play tennis..but I could hit it further..) I was probably the only "athletic" girl in college the refused to play intramurals because I knew I would embarrass myself by throwing my bat if I struck out or yelling something inappropriate after an error. You get the point - everything is a competition wether I want it to be or not, so when I find myself getting back into somewhat of a workout routine it is super difficult for me to realize that I can no longer complete the kickboxing class without taking several breaks and not working at 100% the entire hour or when I can't keep up with the spin class and I have to keep my resistance at a standstill when everyone else is adding more resistance to their bikes to make it "up the hill."
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.