My life has changed in 7 days. On August 21st I got a call from my doctor letting me know there were several more lumps throughout my neck and chest, not just the one I could feel on my neck. The one that brought me to the doctor in the first place. I'm emotional anyways so when I got the phone call, I cried. When I talked to each of my relatives, I cried. When I talked with my co-workers, I cried. When I heard a good song, I cried. When I sat on the couch, I cried. You get it, I cried over everything (which is normal). I was nervous about the next doctor's appointment with the hematologist. I didn't even know what a hematologist was, and now I have orders from my doctor that say I need to meet with one and to make sure I bring my husband. That was probably the most unsettling thing I have ever heard. Make sure your husband is with you. Yuck!
I hadn't said too much to anyone about this lump so when we started to let family know what was going on everyone was pretty caught off guard. My in-laws came over Wednesday night to hear about what was going on and to pray for me as I began this journey. They prayed for healing. They prayed for peace. And they prayed for me to get some sleep that night. After they left, I went to sleep and had a normal night's rest. I went to school and enjoyed my job just as much as I always do. Then I went to the doctor. I was met by a very energetic nurse who was in charge of my vitals and asking some questions. She began the conversation by saying, "Hi Amber, so you are here for possible lymphoma, huh?" Woah. What?
I was told I had several lumps throughout my neck, two large lumps behind my chest bone and several lumps near the bottom of my chest bone. They don't know what it is, but will proceed with surgery in order to take a biopsy to test. I left the office scared and confused. We went home, laid in the dark and cried. We weren't sure what this meant, but they had definitely freaked us out.
We decided we would go to small group and get out of the house. The small group knew I had the appointment that day so it was expected that we had news to share - which we did. Of course, we don't know much, just that it could be bad... but maybe not since they don't know what it is yet. I was met with love, kind words and scripture. I sat in the middle of the room as everyone laid their hands on me and prayed over me. I was on a "God high" during those couple of hours and then we said good-bye - and I totally lost it. I couldn't stop crying - I suddenly thought of every thing that could happen, might happen, and the worst of the worst.
When I woke up Friday morning I felt as if I just needed to hear Gods promises and the message of hope and faith that can be found in the New Testament so I bypassed my daily reading from Leviticus and headed towards Matthew. Confident that I would just stumble upon a verse I needed to hear because God would bring me to just the perfect verse that would give me hope, I flipped through Matthew... not finding a thing. So I went back to my daily reading in Leviticus and read through the laws God made for the Israelites to follow and read over 50 times the words He wanted me to hear - that I needed to hear - "I am the Lord your God".
After school, I had an appointment with the surgeon, who seemed very nice and knowledgable and wanted to cut me open the following Friday at 10:00 am. We discussed the surgery and then got out of there and bolted to Alabama to see Garrett's Aunt and Uncle. We had the best time. No crying. No thinking. Just fellowship.
Monday I babysat for a friend and we ate dinner and went off to the park. We ended up walking 2 miles as he stopped at every exercise area along the path. We finished our two mile walk and headed back towards the car when we were met by two ladies. They asked all kinds of questions from what my name was, where I worked, lived, and what I was doing at the park. They abruptly stopped the questioning and stated, "We were walking in the park and saw you from across the way. God pointed you out to us and let us know you needed prayers. Is there something we can pray for you about?"
Woah. My God is great. In the midst all of this chaos, he sent assurance, peace and comfort through the words of these ladies.
The ladies prayed over me right there in the park. For healing, for peace, for comfort, for sleep. They cried alongside of me as they continued to pray for God's touch on my sickness as well as my life. And all of this in front of the young man who was with me. They prayed for him - a prayer so strong and bold and acknowledged him as a child of God and prayed about the good things that God would do in his life as well. Before leaving we hugged, smiled and they left with one last comment, "Amber, you are highly favored by God. The Lord is with you."
I smiled and walked away as if I was floating on a cloud all the way to my car. Repeating over and over in my head what had just happened and when I couldn't come up with any other explanation than, God sent them for me, for my comfort and my peace, I was overwhelmed and relieved.
After talking with a friend about the encounter with these two ladies she referred me to this verse when Mary was visited by the angel Gabriel and said, "Greeting, you who are highly favored with the Lord! The Lord is with you." (Luke 1: 28)
(Side note: As I was looking for this verse I came across Luke 5:12 "..Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean (from leprosy). Jesus reached out his hand and touched him. "I am willing," he said, "Be clean." And immediately leprosy left him.".... this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about.. God is with me at every second giving me strength!)
"You are highly favored by God. The Lord is with you" Woah. was I just visited by an angel? Whoever or whatever it was, it poured peace over me- just what I needed to make it through this past week as I awaited surgery and now results.
If you know me at all, I am scared. of. everything. So no one was surprised when I recently canceled my dentist appointment a few weeks ago because I had a suspicion they were going to tell me I needed to get my wisdom teeth taken out. Surgery.. yea right! Save it! I have been putting this off for 3 years now since they started to break through and slowly rearrange my bottom row of teeth. No joke, I have gone to extremes to not have surgery or anything near surgery done to my body. But now here I am, with no way around it. In order to figure out with these lumps are they will need to conduct a biopsy. They will try to get the one on my neck which is near the surface and easily accessible. If it's not enough tissue to test, they will need to go through my rib cage, next to my windpipe and try to get a larger piece of the lump behind my chest bone. Ouch. The anxiety that I normally get before any appointment, even if it is just a check up, is pretty intense. My hands get sweaty, my heartbeat quickly rises when I even start to think about going to the doctor. So this was quite a shock when I knew there wasn't going to be any way out of this surgery. In order to get to the next step and figure out what this is, we had to do it.
I worked all week and had a blast with my students and my mind didn't even wander into what was about to happen Friday. I was asked by my pastor if I would be willing to have people lay hands on me and pray for me Wednesday night after church service. It was a scene straight out of the Bible. James 5:14-15 "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of The Lord; and the prayer of faith shall save him that is sick, and The Lord shall raise him up." Hands were on Garrett and I as the people of the church came together and prayed for my healing and strength for us and our families. Unreal.
I woke up the morning of my surgery in good spirits. Read my Bible and went off to the hospital with my sister, Garrett and in-laws. We laughed and joked until they took me back to pre-op Feelings of anxiety and nervousness flooded over me as the nurses and doctors prepped me for surgery. I was alone and scared... well for a split second I thought I was alone and scared until I remembered the verses people had sent me over the past couple of weeks "I will never leave or forsake you" I'm not alone and he is not going to leave me anytime soon. Next thing I knew I was waking up from surgery. I wasn't nauseous, not nervous, a little sore but not bad. I was comforted by my family when I got to recovery and that was it. I came home not more than a couple hours after surgery and was able to walk, eat, talk and... well it is football season so of course we watched some of that.
The understanding that we go through trials to gain faith, to bring others closer to God and through these trials God will use me is something I was able to grasp within the past year. I have so much faith that I am going through this to bring glory to Him, to bring other to Him and to bring me closer to Him. Regardless of the end, we are put here for the now and need to start living like it. We all have our own situations, hurts, regrets, anxieties, fears.... they aren't ours to hold onto - give it to Him.
The Cure for Anxiety
25“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?26“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?27“And who of you by being worried can add asingle hour to his life?28“And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.30“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will Henot much more clothe you? You of little faith!31“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’32“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
The past 7 days has proved to me that when you lean on God he holds you. I have been shown obvious signs that He is there and will not leave. He has the power to heal and the power to use me, only if I allow Him to do so.
I hadn't said too much to anyone about this lump so when we started to let family know what was going on everyone was pretty caught off guard. My in-laws came over Wednesday night to hear about what was going on and to pray for me as I began this journey. They prayed for healing. They prayed for peace. And they prayed for me to get some sleep that night. After they left, I went to sleep and had a normal night's rest. I went to school and enjoyed my job just as much as I always do. Then I went to the doctor. I was met by a very energetic nurse who was in charge of my vitals and asking some questions. She began the conversation by saying, "Hi Amber, so you are here for possible lymphoma, huh?" Woah. What?
I was told I had several lumps throughout my neck, two large lumps behind my chest bone and several lumps near the bottom of my chest bone. They don't know what it is, but will proceed with surgery in order to take a biopsy to test. I left the office scared and confused. We went home, laid in the dark and cried. We weren't sure what this meant, but they had definitely freaked us out.
We decided we would go to small group and get out of the house. The small group knew I had the appointment that day so it was expected that we had news to share - which we did. Of course, we don't know much, just that it could be bad... but maybe not since they don't know what it is yet. I was met with love, kind words and scripture. I sat in the middle of the room as everyone laid their hands on me and prayed over me. I was on a "God high" during those couple of hours and then we said good-bye - and I totally lost it. I couldn't stop crying - I suddenly thought of every thing that could happen, might happen, and the worst of the worst.
When I woke up Friday morning I felt as if I just needed to hear Gods promises and the message of hope and faith that can be found in the New Testament so I bypassed my daily reading from Leviticus and headed towards Matthew. Confident that I would just stumble upon a verse I needed to hear because God would bring me to just the perfect verse that would give me hope, I flipped through Matthew... not finding a thing. So I went back to my daily reading in Leviticus and read through the laws God made for the Israelites to follow and read over 50 times the words He wanted me to hear - that I needed to hear - "I am the Lord your God".
After school, I had an appointment with the surgeon, who seemed very nice and knowledgable and wanted to cut me open the following Friday at 10:00 am. We discussed the surgery and then got out of there and bolted to Alabama to see Garrett's Aunt and Uncle. We had the best time. No crying. No thinking. Just fellowship.
Monday I babysat for a friend and we ate dinner and went off to the park. We ended up walking 2 miles as he stopped at every exercise area along the path. We finished our two mile walk and headed back towards the car when we were met by two ladies. They asked all kinds of questions from what my name was, where I worked, lived, and what I was doing at the park. They abruptly stopped the questioning and stated, "We were walking in the park and saw you from across the way. God pointed you out to us and let us know you needed prayers. Is there something we can pray for you about?"
Woah. My God is great. In the midst all of this chaos, he sent assurance, peace and comfort through the words of these ladies.
The ladies prayed over me right there in the park. For healing, for peace, for comfort, for sleep. They cried alongside of me as they continued to pray for God's touch on my sickness as well as my life. And all of this in front of the young man who was with me. They prayed for him - a prayer so strong and bold and acknowledged him as a child of God and prayed about the good things that God would do in his life as well. Before leaving we hugged, smiled and they left with one last comment, "Amber, you are highly favored by God. The Lord is with you."
I smiled and walked away as if I was floating on a cloud all the way to my car. Repeating over and over in my head what had just happened and when I couldn't come up with any other explanation than, God sent them for me, for my comfort and my peace, I was overwhelmed and relieved.
After talking with a friend about the encounter with these two ladies she referred me to this verse when Mary was visited by the angel Gabriel and said, "Greeting, you who are highly favored with the Lord! The Lord is with you." (Luke 1: 28)
(Side note: As I was looking for this verse I came across Luke 5:12 "..Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean (from leprosy). Jesus reached out his hand and touched him. "I am willing," he said, "Be clean." And immediately leprosy left him.".... this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about.. God is with me at every second giving me strength!)
"You are highly favored by God. The Lord is with you" Woah. was I just visited by an angel? Whoever or whatever it was, it poured peace over me- just what I needed to make it through this past week as I awaited surgery and now results.
If you know me at all, I am scared. of. everything. So no one was surprised when I recently canceled my dentist appointment a few weeks ago because I had a suspicion they were going to tell me I needed to get my wisdom teeth taken out. Surgery.. yea right! Save it! I have been putting this off for 3 years now since they started to break through and slowly rearrange my bottom row of teeth. No joke, I have gone to extremes to not have surgery or anything near surgery done to my body. But now here I am, with no way around it. In order to figure out with these lumps are they will need to conduct a biopsy. They will try to get the one on my neck which is near the surface and easily accessible. If it's not enough tissue to test, they will need to go through my rib cage, next to my windpipe and try to get a larger piece of the lump behind my chest bone. Ouch. The anxiety that I normally get before any appointment, even if it is just a check up, is pretty intense. My hands get sweaty, my heartbeat quickly rises when I even start to think about going to the doctor. So this was quite a shock when I knew there wasn't going to be any way out of this surgery. In order to get to the next step and figure out what this is, we had to do it.
I worked all week and had a blast with my students and my mind didn't even wander into what was about to happen Friday. I was asked by my pastor if I would be willing to have people lay hands on me and pray for me Wednesday night after church service. It was a scene straight out of the Bible. James 5:14-15 "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of The Lord; and the prayer of faith shall save him that is sick, and The Lord shall raise him up." Hands were on Garrett and I as the people of the church came together and prayed for my healing and strength for us and our families. Unreal.
I woke up the morning of my surgery in good spirits. Read my Bible and went off to the hospital with my sister, Garrett and in-laws. We laughed and joked until they took me back to pre-op Feelings of anxiety and nervousness flooded over me as the nurses and doctors prepped me for surgery. I was alone and scared... well for a split second I thought I was alone and scared until I remembered the verses people had sent me over the past couple of weeks "I will never leave or forsake you" I'm not alone and he is not going to leave me anytime soon. Next thing I knew I was waking up from surgery. I wasn't nauseous, not nervous, a little sore but not bad. I was comforted by my family when I got to recovery and that was it. I came home not more than a couple hours after surgery and was able to walk, eat, talk and... well it is football season so of course we watched some of that.
The understanding that we go through trials to gain faith, to bring others closer to God and through these trials God will use me is something I was able to grasp within the past year. I have so much faith that I am going through this to bring glory to Him, to bring other to Him and to bring me closer to Him. Regardless of the end, we are put here for the now and need to start living like it. We all have our own situations, hurts, regrets, anxieties, fears.... they aren't ours to hold onto - give it to Him.
The Cure for Anxiety
25“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?26“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?27“And who of you by being worried can add asingle hour to his life?28“And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.30“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will Henot much more clothe you? You of little faith!31“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’32“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
The past 7 days has proved to me that when you lean on God he holds you. I have been shown obvious signs that He is there and will not leave. He has the power to heal and the power to use me, only if I allow Him to do so.